Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. -Isaiah 40: 30-31 ESV
For to this end we toil and strive, because we have our hope set on the living God, who is the Savior of all people, especially of those who believe. - 1 Timothy 4:10 ESV
This past week it felt like God was putting pieces into place that have been floating in the abyss for a while. My last season, quite literally, felt scrambled and spastic. I felt like I was reacting to everything happening around me instead of preparing for anything. When I was at one thing, I was thinking about the next. I felt like I was leaving skid marks everywhere I went. I was trying so hard to show up to places and events I felt like I had to be. Have you ever had a season like that? Somehow, at least for me, I don’t fully recognize it until I finally have a chance to pause. To breathe.
Big inhale…big exhale.
The start of this year was that chance, to think about living with intentionality and set purpose. What would it mean to rest with purpose? What would it look like to carve out specific time for hospitality, ministry, “must-do‘s” and sabbath? Armed with these questions, it felt like the Lord was calling me into a season of surrender. I have a tendency to take WAY too much responsibility for others around me, attempting to “fix” the broken or save those who need saving. The Lord has been teaching me that I only get to be a PART of someone’s story, speaking truth when I feel Him tell me to press in, but I am by NO MEANS a Savior. Jesus came for all of us. All of our journeys are different. He is the only omniscient one. My limited scope is just that, limited.
I mess up. I need grace.
Everyone messes up. Everyone needs grace.
It is with this scope and these new resolutions that I began my new year, each week becoming more intentional than the last. This past week, I felt the Lord honor my intentionality. I got to say some hard things to someone I had on my heart, and the conversation was organic. I got to practice hospitality in several, meaningful ways. I got to say “yes” to stepping into a new role of leadership in ministry and I got to practice loving my husband well by planning a date night (and making sure it was in the budget *pushes up glasses* ).
It all sounds really lovely from that scope, but I also screwed up. A lot. I didn’t fully protect myself from something I should have and should have put way more thought into. I got nervous and fearful about what some other people might think about my leadership position. The week culminated in a rather expensive dinner, an intentional date night, where Dan and I paid a pretty price to sit and fight in a very tight, uncomfortable space on and off for an hour which led to an uncomfortable, quiet car ride home. I, being the more stubborn of the two, took longer to reconcile than I should have, and thankfully I have a very patient and loving husband.
The point is, even in intentionality, we mess up. I am flawed. Sometimes I get it right and sometimes I don’t, and both are ok because both are covered by the love and grace of Jesus Christ.
Prayer: Lord, show me how to be brave, honest and true. Fill me up again. Direct my steps and help me to be thoughtful, kind and intentional with my actions and deeds. Amen.
Until next time,
Karly
