What does it mean to be faithful? To be committed to something or someone? To remain loyal? To put your trust in something? To follow something or someone no matter the cost?
In Proverbs 20 verse 6 it says “Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love, but a faithful man who can find?” (esv). What a challenging question! “…a faithful man who can find?” Are we loyal and faithful people? Do we stick to our cause and convictions, or are we easily swayed? I know that it is really tough for me to stick to what I think that the Lord is telling me.
I have now reached a two-year milestone in marriage, which has marked a point in my personal journey as well. I have been struggling for two years to figure out what direction my life is supposed to take, what the Lord has in store for me and what His will is for my life. The path has been rocky at best. There have been so many questions, so many prayers, such angst and confusion as I watch my husband grow and prosper in his profession, while I seem to lag behind. I have tried many things and even swayed from what I knew to be true of myself and who God created me to be, not in a rebellious way, just in a sense of confusion (i.e. I started applying for jobs in the business world (yuck)). I have been motivated from everything from people’s opinions to the amount of money I think I should be making to thinking I was destined for boredom and failure. None of those things sound like very faithful thoughts do they?
The Lord did not leave me in those dark places and He heard my prayers despite my disbelief. He taught me that he had not placed gifts and abilities in my life to tell me that I could not do them. I have the gift and the curse of being musically and artistically minded. People will constantly tell you that there are very few stable jobs for those pursuing these sorts of gifts. It can be very discouraging, especially when everyone surrounding you is a freaking accountant (husband, mom, dad…). When I finally started working towards something that I had always secretly wanted to do (worship ministry), the doors finally started opening. I realized that regardless of my doubts of my own skills and abilities, the Lord wanted me to be a worship leader. He was calling me to use my exact skills and abilities in a meaningful and impactful way. This is something that I had greatly desired in all my failed career attempts and the reason I was so restless and unhappy with the things I had done thus far. While I still have a ways to go, I finally have a direction and a goal to work toward. I am starting a program that is going to not only teach me the skills necessary, but also mentor me and dig into my heart so that I can be a leader with integrity and heart behind my passion and calling. That’s pretty amazing right?? I also realize that all of the time I spent coming to this conclusion was not wasted, it was a necessary time to grow and learn certain things about myself and to grow me as an individual. It was a time to sacrifice some of my desires and needs in order to support my brand new (and very handsome) husband. I still expect the journey to be hard and bumpy, but I know now what it means to trust Lord and to listen to His voice instead of what anyone else has to say and it is my prayer that I would do this moving forward on a regular basis. And now I leave you with an oldie but a goodie,
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart” Jeremiah 29:11-13 (esv).
Until next time…
Karly
